New Home for Cannon Beach East

I want to thank everyone who has followed my blog here on blogger throughout the years!  I have moved over to a new space on WordPress.com mostly due to the creative ability I can do there.  Please follow me over to my new space at caribeary8.wordpress.com!  It's pretty fancy looking and might feel a little hard to navigate at first.  Just scroll down to 'Blog' and click on the here to keep reading.  I've been ridiculously busy with my work life, so the blogs have been a bit slow at coming, but I will continue as best I can!  Thanks for visiting.

Where I've Been

At the beginning of autumn I found myself offered an opportunity.  There was a contest offered by the local city council to help start your business.  It included classes about writing a business plan, marketing your business and technology available for small businesses.  I had dreamed about starting a cupcake business for a while.  My big dream was to have a cupcake food truck that would go around three days a week and sell cupcakes.  I signed up for the contest and was really excited.  For the month of October I was busy drawing up the financials, looking up how to get a food truck and refurbish it, what sort of legal hoops I needed to jump through and how to write a business plan.  And it took All. Of. My. Time.  Eventually it went from a food truck to just a stand at the farmer's market in the summer.  But that meant I would give up every weekend I had off to sell cupcakes and then bake those cupcakes (read hundreds) in my "free" time after work and at the end of a year I'd make around $10,000.  I may or may not have had a minor breakdown.  And then in all of that Mom said something that freed me.  "Who says you have to do it?"  I was caught up in not letting anyone down.  I feel so guilty if I say I'm going to do something and then don't follow through that I felt locked in to creating this business.  There were other people in the contest that had businesses that were their livelihoods or were giving up their day jobs to start a business and here I was still clinging to my day job and thinking of starting this business for what?  For fun?  I realized that I am not prepared to start baking as a business.  I am not an expert at baking and I have never baked more than one set of cupcakes at a time to take in to work.  The work it took to do the financials was torture and that's what most of my time would be about.  I have so many other things that I love to do or want to learn to do besides my day job and all of the time I have to do them would be lost to making cupcakes.  I love baking, but not being forced to make them, lets me do it for fun not for profit.

Around this same time I was writing a lecture for the students in the Medical Laboratory Science program about clinical microbiology.  It's what I am (a Medical Laboratory Scientist) and what I do every day (clinical microbiology) and what I've done for 10 years.  It was easy to sit down and write about microorganisms and pathogens and all the intricacies in identifying them.  And I realized in that I am close to an expert.  I have experience and certifications and I really love doing it most days. I've felt restless and unhappy in my job recently but I also realized that I am free after I leave the laboratory.  For the most part it doesn't follow me home.  I have time to do those other things, like knitting, blogging, photography, gardening, that I would have to give up for making cupcakes.  So the job that I thought would free me from my unhappy job would actually shackle me to it.  I would have less free time, work more and ultimately be even unhappier.  And in that I found more job satisfaction and was more thankful for my day job than I had been in a long time.  If I ever did want to try my hand at making cupcakes in the future I at least have more information.  Because I wouldn't want to do it poorly.  I would want to succeed and right now anything I did would not succeed.  I don't have the energy or the will to see it through.  So I've found contentedness again in where I am.  And I'm thankful for that.

Life Lately...When Your IVF Cycle Fails

There are a handful of you that know that I was doing my second round of IVF this August and so I thought an update for everyone was in the cards.  Long story short; it failed.  If you want to hear the long story, here it is...


Before I started this round I sat down with my Doc and we went over how she was going to change things this cycle.  The last time I used Letrozole for suppression and then two gonadotropins (Menopur and Gonal-F) to grow my follicles.  I had a bit of overstimulation and my estradiol levels went up above 9,000 (that's not good).  It could be why the most of the eggs they retrieved didn't make it to blastocysts and why the two that did were less than stellar.  This time we suppressed with birth control pills only and then she said we wouldn't do the Menopur, only the Gonal-F and some late cycle suppression with Cetrotide.  Lovely you say, who cares what drugs you take?  This will be important later in the story, so write it down.  Also, if I didn't overstimulate, Doc wanted to do a fresh transfer.  I was for it since maybe the freezing and thawing affected my embryos more than we thought.  But they did a saline-infused sonogram (SIS) to check out my uterus and she thought she saw something still in there (there always seems to be "something" in there...) and the new Backup Doc said that she thought we should do a hysteroscopy to view the uterus again and maybe take back the septum more.  Really?!  Why does my uterus need to look like Angelina Jolie to put an embryo in there?!  But fine, whatever.  So we were back to a freeze all transfer.  I reminded them that they had the pictures from my last hysteroscopy in October 2014 and there was an MRI of my uterus from February 2013.  They didn't have the MRI images, so I went back and got them from the hospital in Yakima where they were done.  I was hoping that it could convince them NOT to do anymore reconstruction of the last piece of my reproductive anatomy that seems to work.  They agreed to put off the hysteroscopy until after the IVF cycle and we had our plan, so everything was a go.

In early August I had my first suppression appointment and my hormone levels and ovaries were looking good.  I started my Gonal-F (150 IU) on Friday and then didn't have another appointment until Tuesday.  That was the weekend we drove down and saw Nicole and family and then drove back up to stay over in Seattle.  Things were progressing pretty well and Backup Doc said I should dial back my Gonal-F just a bit to 125 IU.  I ended up seeing Backup Doc for most of the cycle because my Regular Doc was on vacation (which was sorely earned, she hadn't had a real day off in two years!). The next time I saw Backup Doc on Thursday she said she wanted me to start Menopur.  I said that Regular Doc wasn't going to use Menopur and the nurse backed me up.  Backup Doc said she thought that maybe Regular Doc wasn't going to use it in the beginning, but she probably would have eventually.  Right....  So I started Menopur, decreased Gonal-F to 75 IU and started Cetrotide.  This continued through the weekend and my estradiol was rising slowly and fairly evenly, but my follicles seemed to be growing slowly.  They want them to be an average of 20 mm in size before they take them and so far they were about 13 mm average.  Mine were increasing slowly, but we had said we wanted them to grow low and slow this time around, rather than so quickly as they did in the first cycle.  So I figured they were doing okay.  Also during this week Backup Doc got really concerned about my blood pressure.  The top number was running around 135 and the bottom around 90 to 95.  She said that with a bottom number so high I could be pre-eclamptic.  I said, "Don't you have to be pregnant for that?"  She still wanted me to do a 24-hour urine protein.  Great.  Add another thing to keep track of.  She also wanted me to see another doctor to adjust my blood pressure meds.  I told her I would talk to my primary care physician about it.  I wasn't going to add another cook to this kitchen.  We had gone home one of those days, so I just called early and got an appointment for that afternoon.  Primary Care Physician and I talked and we adjusted the meds.  Done and done, just like that.  The next day when I saw Backup Doc my blood pressure was more like 123/81.  She was surprised when I said I'd seen my Primary Doc and shocked that I could get an appointment so quickly.  That's what it's like in po-dunk hunny; it's called customer service.  So back to the gonadotropins.  Backup Doc continued the lower Gonal-F dose all weekend and my follicles seemed to stall.  On Monday she raised the Gonal-F back up to 150 and because I was already on the Menopur it continued.  Tuesday, I got to see Regular Doc and the follicles were still stalled, averaging around 17 mm.  She increased the Gonal-F all the way up to 225 IU.  That didn't seem good to me.  It turns out that the estradiol went from 854 on Sunday to 1175 on Monday and then dropped to 847 on Tuesday.  That's really not good.  On Wednesday, Regular Doc came in and said as much.  The follicles weren't getting to that 20 mm average and the drop in estradiol was a bad omen.  She said that when that happens the recovery of eggs is poor and that it would be in my best interest to cancel the cycle.  I felt like I was prepared for this eventuality.  I didn't have a lot of faith in what Backup Doc had done through my cycle and Regular Doc even said the same in so many words that the cycle was messed up.  Regular Doc said that if I had remained at a steady amount of Gonal-F through my whole cycle I would have gotten the same amount but not been on a roller coaster of up and down.  I knew that the up and down meant that the follicles I'd made were probably starved and there would be no sense in progressing forward.

So we cancelled it.

This also meant that each ultrasound would be billed out separately and we'd be getting money back to try for a third cycle.  We are going to have to have some time to pull the money together for another try, but Regular Doc also wants me to be on a regiment of high dose supplements for three months.  She said they help with people like me who have PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) have better IVF outcomes.  So it's back to the grindstone of working out and dieting.  Maintaining my weight or losing some more is important to me and nothing gets me going more than being disappointed.  When I'm content I don't seem to have the passion to work out and diet.  But get me fired up and I can do things that I look back at and am surprised I had the time for.  So here's to January.

Don't feel sorry for the things that don't work out how you hoped.  Feel more passionate that you can change it the next time around.

Off to Medford!

This last weekend Mom and I drove down to Medford, OR to see my best friend Nicole and her family.  Every other year one of us drives up or down to visit and this was my year to go down.  I am doing my second round of IVF, so I had an appointment on Friday morning and then we drove all the way from Seattle to Medford.  Our original plan was to drive to Salem and stay the night and then finish the drive, but the doctor's appointment interrupted that plan.  We did keep to the plan to drive the 205 around Portland, because two years ago we got stuck going through, and it slowed down but never stopped.  It was still a long hard drive as always; our butts were sore, our minds fried from driving and the dogs ready to never see the inside of the car again.  I am currently reading Voyager, the third book in the Outlander series, and the audiobook kept us company for many, many miles.  We made it in around 9 and I had to run over to the Fred Meyer right across from the hotel to get isopropyl alcohol and gauze pads for my injections, which were starting the next day, as well as a plastic container to keep the sharps in because the pharmacy didn't give me one and only two alcohol pads.  :/  Nicole came over after she got off work and we hugged and talked and made plans for the next day.


On Saturday, Nicole had to go to work at noon so Mom and I got up and ready and headed over to her house to visit before she had to go.  Emily came running out as soon as we got there and Nicole had told me she was asking when we'd show up for weeks before hand.  Tony and Matthew were also there and we all hung out and chatted for a bit.  Emily knew that Mom and I were going to take her to Ashland for the day to go shopping and then meet up with Nicole for her dinner break, so she was anxious to go.  Finally it was time for Nicole to go, so we all packed up and headed out.  Emily, Mom and I all followed Nicole to Ashland, where she works for the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in their IT department.  She had a little time before work so we headed down to the Unicorn Gifts & Toy Shop first.  Emily had five dollars from her birthday and I gave both her and Matthew twenty dollars, as I'd missed their birthdays in July.  I was excited to help her learn how to use money and we spent a lot of time in the store figuring out how much she could get with her twenty five dollars.  At first she was going to use it all, but then she wanted to save some for the candy store to, in her words, "buy candy for everyone."  She finally settled on a Playmobile fairy, which cost half her money, and she even gave the clerk the money all by herself.  Then we went across to Zoey's for ice cream as both Mom and I were famished.  Emily opened up her toy and put it all together and we took pictures of it how she wanted with the fairy against the green foliage out the window so it looked like she was outside and flying.

Next we headed down to the Sew Creative fabric store for Mom and I saw something in Paddington Station, the store right before it, so Emily and I stopped in there while Mom went on.  I ended up getting one of those Home T-shirts (in Washington State, of course!) and then we went around to the other side of two stores.  This side had all sorts of stuff!!  Upstairs there were tons of kitchen items, teapots, kettles (I wanted the turquoise one), and cute homewares.  On the main floor there was a whole section of Doctor Who items, scarves, bags, slippers and...toys.  Emily found a stuffed Ty Unicorn and wanted it really bad.  I told her it would cost her half of what she had left and she felt that there would still be enough for candy for her and Matthew.  I'd told her that she didn't need to buy candy for everyone and that Mom and I were going to buy our own.  I helped her count out the amount she needed and then had her give the clerk the money again.  Since she didn't need a bag she even got an extra 10 cents back.  Downstairs in the store there were Christmas ornaments, wooden signs and the clearance area.  There I saw a fine art picture of the TARDIS and took a picture to show Nicole and Tony.  It would go great in their bathroom.

There was also a Frozen glitter tattoo kit that had been reduced to almost nothing, so I bought that for Emily and I to do later that night.  Emily told me that she needed to ask her Mom before she got a tattoo and I said that was a good idea to do at any time in her life.  We met up with Mom and then meandered over to the yarn store, Websters.  The last time we were there I had let Emily pick out some yarn and then I made her a cloak.  This time we couldn't really decide what to make but I told her I'd thought of making some arm warmers for her and she added the idea of leg warmers too.  We found some nice pink yarn and then Mom showed me that they had the small skeins of yarn we use to make hats out of.  The yarn is by Madelintosh and is called Unicorn Tails because they are little cute twisted skeins in a rainbow of colors.  I chose out two groups of four and Emily loved one of the color sets, so I will be making a hat as well.  Finally we went over to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate factory.  Both Mom and I knew that we wanted chocolate covered toffee when we got in there, but Emily was overwhelmed with the choices of chocolate.  Finally I found out that she was just looking for plain chocolate and we picked out a bar.  Then she wanted some gummies and saw some gummy bears, which she said Matthew would like too (though I don't think he saw a single one).  She poured out two scoops and I said that was probably all her money.  I was prepared to add some to it if she was over but when the lady weighed it out it ended up costing $5.15, which was exactly what Emily had.  Happy all around with her purchases we sat outside and ate some chocolate.  Then, with the sugar pumping through her system, Emily said she needed to go run it off in the park. I told her I didn't think that it had a playground or anything, but we went anyway. Lithia Park is so beautiful!  It had a waterfall that filled a duck pond and lots of trees and lawns.  There was a man playing a cello with a small group of people around him and lots of people just lounging.  Mom and I sat in the shade and Emily ran to a tree and back, having us time her.  Then she started doing handstands and I asked her if she could to a cartwheel.  She tried a couple of times and I said she needed to kick her feet more over her head.  She said she didn't know how.  I said I think I might still be able to do one, so I got up and ya know what?!  I can still do a cartwheel!  So we did a couple of those and we played around a bit running back and forth.  Finally it was too hot to do anymore, so we walked up behind the Shakespeare Festival buildings to the car where we sat in the air conditioning for a bit.  Tony and Matthew happened to show up at that time and so we all walked back down to the Standing Stone Brewery for lunch/dinner.  Nicole had texted her order to me so we got our table and ordered so that she could show up and not go over on her break.

I ordered a Margherita pizza and a house-made root beer (no beer beer for me on IVF drugs).  Mom got a burger and we split our meals.  Nicole and Tony got sandwiches and Matthew and Emily got cheese quesadillas.  Emily wasn't very happy with her meal and I asked her if she wanted a bite of burger instead.  Making a face only she could she said, "That's even worse!"  I need a kid just for the entertaining commentary.  After Nicole went back to work, the rest of us headed back to the house.  Emily got chocolate chip pancakes made by her dad to make up for her lack of dinner, while Matthew watched videos...

Mom knit, Tony and his brother fixed the air conditioner and Emily and I played.  First we played with her Playmobile house.  Then we colored.  Then she played in the pool, while Tony and I watched and talked.  Then we did tattoos and dressed up and had a tea party (while I talked in an English accent, of course!).  As it was getting late we started reading books and eventually Nicole made it home.  We all sat and talked some more and I remembered the zucchini I had grabbed from our garden to bring to her.  And finally it was time for bed.  I was pooped.


On Sunday we had the whole day together.  Mom and I slept in and then headed over to see what we wanted to do.  It had been pretty smokey in Medford, but that day it was relatively clear.  Nicole mentioned the Oregon Vortex and Mystery House as something to do and I knew that would be right up Mom's alley.  She loves crazy phenomena.  So we all loaded up in my car and headed out.  It was a blast!  It turns out its a whole area where heights are distorted and a lot of other weird things happen.  On the tour there was a lot of changing heights and in the house weird things happen like bottles rolling up hill.  Inside there is a platform that is completely level and when you stand on it you get very dizzy.  Mom ended up buying the book of the man who did the most research on it and is currently obsessed.

After that fun we drove back to Medford and on the way I saw a sign for the Rogue Creamery.  If there is one thing that Oregon does really well, it's cheese.  We got some classic sharp cheddar and their special Chocolate Stout Cheddar, which was a really smooth delicious cheddar.  We went back to their house and had a little cheese platter with crackers and apples for a small lunch and then hung out.  That night Nicole had gotten free tickets for us to go see The Count of Monte Cristo.  Because she works for OSF she gets a certain number of tickets to see their plays.  We went to dinner at the Black Bear Diner, dropped Emily off at a baby sitter's and then headed off for an adult's night out.  We got to Ashland early enough to watch the Green Show on the lawn and watch a pretty strung out guy do some interpretive dancing.  Then it was time for the show!  This one was showing in the Elizabethan open air theatre and it was amazing!  Not only was the play excellent, you got to slowly watch the sunset and the stars come out.  It was so beautiful!  And after an awesome night and great conversation in the car (sorry about the critique of your driving Nicole!) we picked up the kiddo and all passed out in our respective beds.


Monday was the day we were leaving, but I wanted to meet Nicole and Emily for breakfast before we headed out.  We met them at their house and ended up eating at the Palms Cafe which had huge breakfasts for low prices.  Emily had said she wanted to eat at a breakfast place before we left, but she doesn't eat much in the mornings, so the three of us ate and she colored and snacked on bacon.  Then it was time to say our goodbyes.  It seems like so long and no time at all between visits!  Mom and I started on our way back up to Seattle (because I had another doctor appointment on Tuesday) and ended up stopping in Eugene at Voodoo Doughnuts.  Neither of us went for any crazy flavors but man they were so good!

Eugene, however, is not my kind of town.  Lots of liberal crazy people.  On our way over to the donut shop there was an overweight lady walking around bare foot in a belly shirt and short skirt carrying a small cat on a leash, then there was a shirtless kilt-wearing-dreadlock-toteing dude and it seemed like no woman there wore a bra.  And that was just on our way to the store!  Yeah, no.  That was our only major stop on our way up and we got into Seattle around 9:30.  We were glad to be free to move around and not sit on our keisters anymore.  Nicole also texted me on our way up to Seattle that we'd forgotten to take any pictures together!  I was SO sad!  Some of our selfies are my favorite pictures that I have.  Guess we'll have to figure a way to see each other just to take a picture! ;)

A Baby Shower and the Roots and Vines Festival

I am quite late with this post, but after a very busy May I spent the first few weeks of June trying to relax again.  Other than reinventing Red Velvet cupcakes as Blue Velvet ones for the last recital ever at my old dance studio I also don't have a Recipe Tuesday post.  So instead you get to see my adventures in May.

At the very beginning of May, Mom and I went to visit family and go to a baby shower for my cousin Erin.  Lucky the shower was so early because not two weeks later she had her beautiful baby girl who was a bit early.  Now Holly is a month old!  So this is all old news indeed.  We had a great time, especially because all of my cousins were there and it's hard to get everyone in one place now that we're all old.  We played plenty of games which is always the entertaining part of a shower.  There was the measure-the-belly game, where we all guessed too high and the kiddo that had a piece ripped off for her was the closest.

And the poopy diaper game, which was Erin's favorite!  A variety of chocolate candies were melted in baby diapers and then you had to guess what they were from sight and smell.  This provided the best picture opportunities...

I think her face says it all --->

There was also guess the number of candies in the bottle...

And a game where you had to close your eyes and pull out as many safety pins from a bowl of rice as you could in a minute...

And then the shower of presents began.  Erin got lots of lovely clothes and baby items that will help her with her beautiful baby girl.

And then two weeks later she got this!

A few weeks after the shower, Mom and I went to the first ever Roots and Vines festival.  There were two stages playing Americana music by the likes of Hillstomp, Polecat, Blake Noble, John Dunnigan, and Fruition.  It was a 21 and over event and you got a commemorative glass at the entrance and then after buying tickets you exchanged those for a taster (1 ticket) or a glass (2-3 tickets) for the alcoholic beverage of your choice.  Our hands down favorite was the Cherry Cider by Tieton Cider Works.  It is soooo good!!

Plenty of friends showed up and the weather was pleasant.  There was great food provided from the restaurants close by.  Mom had some chicken and rice dish from The Carousel restaurant and I had wood fired pizza from Russillo's.  Later I went and picked up some gelato because how else you would end such a capital day?

There were also some great characters there!  This guy was a kick, dancing around as free as a kid, without a care in the world.  He was so entertaining he even had his own paparazzi.

So it was a busy but eventful May!  Let's see how June goes.  We're already half way through after all!